Parentification in Migrant Families: The Emotional Toll of Language and Cultural Brokering
As a marriage and family therapist working with migrant, newcomer, and first-generation families, I often meet children who seem far older than their age. They translate at the doctor’s office, help pay the bills, manage school forms, and explain complex systems to their parents. They’re fluent in English, but also in responsibility, worry, and emotional labor.
Being the family’s language or cultural broker, this role is a quiet, often invisible form of parentification. And if this is your story or your child’s, I want you to know you’re not alone. You don’t have to carry this alone.
What is Parentification?
Parentification happens when a child is placed in a caregiving role that isn’t age-appropriate. Emotional parentification involves emotional support for parents. Instrumental parentification is more about tasks: helping raise siblings, managing chores, or interpreting for adults.
Instrumental parentification in immigrant and first-generation families often appears through language and cultural brokering. You may have relied on your oldest child to help during school meetings, translate letters, or navigate government systems. While that may have been an important component of survival, sometimes, over time, this pattern shapes how your child sees themselves and their place in the world.
What It Looks Like
Does your child:
Freeze or get nervous when they must ask you for something?
Speak on your behalf in public spaces, yet seem quiet or withdrawn at home?
Feel more like your partner than your child?
Know more about your legal case, financial stress, or emotional pain than they should?
Sometimes, children who serve as family interpreters become so good at this role that no one notices the emotional toll. They smile through it, carry it with pride, and even get praised at school for being “so mature.” But inside, they may feel trapped. They can’t fully be a kid. They can’t afford to make mistakes. They can’t stop worrying.
What It Feels Like as a Parent
Many parents I work with feel torn. Grateful that their child can help. Guilt that they have to. Afraid of what will happen if they stop. Maybe you think, “They’re just helping me,” or “They speak English better than I do.” Perhaps you’ve felt judged in schools, clinics, or courtrooms, and your child was the only buffer.
This is not about blame. This is about repair. You’re doing your best in a system not built for families like yours. But we can make space for healing for both of you.
The Long-Term Effects
Children being placed in adult roles too early can impact their development. They may struggle with:
Anxiety and perfectionism
Guilt when setting boundaries
Confusion in relationships (caretaker vs. child)
Depression or burnout in early adulthood
Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
Some even grow up feeling they don’t have the right to ask for help, because they were always the helper.
There Is Another Way
Therapy offers a space to:
Shift the parent-child roles back into balance
Help your child feel like a child again
Process any shame or guilt yours and theirs
Rebuild communication and connection
Set up support systems so you don’t have to rely on your child
This work is gentle, slow, and compassionate. You don’t need to feel ashamed of surviving. But your family deserves to thrive, not just survive.
Your Family Doesn’t Have to Carry This Alone
If you see yourself in this story as the parent or the child, you’re not alone. You can seek support that honors your culture, migration journey, and family’s unique story.
Let’s work together to unburden your child, reconnect as a family, and build something more sustainable for all of you. Healing starts here. Book a session today.