They Did What They Knew: Breaking Generational Silence, Building Generational Healing
"Your parents did what they could with what they knew." This isn't just a comforting phrase. It's a truth that carries both love and pain. It's also a turning point. Many first-generation clients I work with bring this up. They're the first in their families to sit in therapy, the first to say, "This hurt me, and I don't want to repeat it."
They're not blaming. They're naming…
Naming what happened.
Naming what was missing.
Naming what they're choosing to do differently.
Generational Context Matters
We don't exist in a vacuum. Each generation in the US was shaped by its time, culture, and survival needs:
Those of the Greatest Generation, born between 1901 and 1927, lived through World War I, the Great Depression, and World War II. Survival was a priority, and emotions were often buried to cope.
The Silent Generation, born between 1928 and 1945, was raised to be seen, not heard. They followed the rules. They didn't talk about feelings or trauma, especially men.
The Baby Boomers, born after World War II between 1946 and 1964, were taught to work hard, stay strong, and push through. Many became parents who prioritized stability over emotional connection.
Generation X, 1965–1980, grew up more independent. Often called the "latchkey kids," they learned to self-regulate without much emotional support.
Millennials, also known as Generation Y, born 1981–1996, brought therapy into the conversation. They began questioning norms, boundaries, and toxic patterns.
Generation Z, born between 1997 and 2012, talks openly about trauma, identity, mental health, and inclusion.
Generation Alpha (born 2013–2025) and Generation Beta (born mid-2020s–2040) will grow up in a world where feelings, therapy, and emotional safety are (hopefully) normalized.
Which generation do you form part of, and were your parents or grandparents born into or became part of when they entered the US? Let’s layer the all-important migration generations to the US into this story.
Migration Generations
The initial Migrant Generation often left home due to war, poverty, violence, or lack of opportunity. Therapy wasn't an option. Survival was.
The 1.5 Generation came as children or teens. They held adult responsibilities early, often translating language and culture for their parents.
The First Generation (born in the host country to migrant parents) is a bridge between two cultures. Often seen as “too much” or “not enough, “ they carry the weight of dreams and expectations.
The Second and Third Generations may not speak the heritage language fluently. They live with inherited stories, expectations, and traumas they can't always name.
If you're the first generation in your family to come and have access to mental health therapy, you may also be the first in your family to:
Learn about emotional regulation
Question cycles of abuse
Learn to say "no" without guilt
Name inequality and systemic harm
Set boundaries with family
Heal from intergenerational trauma
You might feel guilt, grief, and pride all at once. Guilt for wanting more, grief for what your inner child never received, and pride in becoming the adult you needed. This is hard work. But you're not alone. At Healing Relationships Counseling, we work with people just like you. People are breaking the silence. People still love their families but want something different for the next generation.
What You Choose Echoes Forward
If you choose to raise children or help raise nieces, nephews, or godchildren, they will have a different experience. Because of your work, they might hear "I'm sorry" instead of silence. They might know that feelings aren't shameful. They might trust themselves and others more fully. They might not have to unlearn what you're healing from.
By choosing therapy, you're not betraying your culture or your family. You're honoring both by saying, "I love where I come from, and I'm choosing to grow."
Therapy Is a Choice and a Gift
Choosing therapy isn't a weakness. It's strength. It's vision. It's planting seeds that you may never see bloom, but know they will. Your parents did what they could with what they learned. Now you know more, and you're doing more.
Let's talk about what healing looks like for you. Book a consultation, ask questions, and start this journey together.